Lawned

There's an old man across the street who I often see from my office window. And this man will just come out and stare at his grass. There are a couple of yellowish spots of grass on his lawn. And he looks like a man at a cemetery grieving at the grave of his long-dead love. But he's actually just grieving that his lawn is not 100% dark green. Please somebody shoot me if I ever get old and the only thing that gives me purpose and joy in life is having my lawn be the perfect shade of green. PLEASE.